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Perfect politics

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Started by Citizen Erased (confused again) in Chit-Chat

What would you do if you were in charge of your country and/or the world?

No bigotry please (e.g. the Jews need to sort themselves), but stuff directly at a political group is fine (e.g. Israel (meaning the Israeli government). That aside, feel free to be as tasteless as you like - sometimes tough problems need tough solutions.

Here’s one for starters - solve the current homelessness and obesity problems by hollowing out fat people and use them for shelter.

Posted on Fri, 30 April 2004 at 13:04

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#1

constance wrote:

i like the way in which u wud get rid of obesity + homelessness

Have you heard about all of the “walking plans” which are been arranged by the goverment? A bbc report said “NHS ‘failing to tackle obesity’”
i think that this is an ok startin point but how many overweight people will actually join these orgained walks? People are overweight for several reasons, whether it be a mediacl condition or just eating too much. I think the later of the two apply to the Uk’s current battle with obesity. I myself kno many people who are overweight and resulting from this, they have got serious medical problems, for instance, diabetes and bloacked arteries.

A study by the National Audit Office has estimated that obesity costs the NHS at least £500m a year - and the wider economy more than £2bn a year in lost productivity.

This is a lot of money, but we should no longer dwell on where we went wrong. But we should plan on how to loose the pounds.

My fingers ache now!!

Posted on Fri, 30 April 2004 at 13:14

#2

Gav wrote:

Obesity happens when the mouth hole is bigger than the arse hole…

…says me the fat fuck!

Posted on Fri, 30 April 2004 at 13:53

#3

Citizen Erased (confused again) wrote:

I seem to remember Jasper Carrott saying just that same thing… ;)

Posted on Fri, 30 April 2004 at 13:57

#4

zipless wrote:

on a perfect summer day i’d stop the earth from spinning as well as the rest of the universe, so i’ll have 24hrs of sunshine, every day, every week, all year ‘round.
oh, and legali…

Posted on Fri, 30 April 2004 at 16:56

#5

Gav wrote:

Citizen Erased wrote:

I seem to remember Jasper Carrott saying just that same thing… ;)

I couldn’t remember if it was Jasper Carrott or Billy Conolley - so i didn’t namecheck!

wouldn’t try and take the credit for myself ;)

Posted on Fri, 30 April 2004 at 21:16

#6

Citizen Erased (confused again) wrote:

zipless wrote:

on a perfect summer day i’d stop the earth from spinning as well as the rest of the universe, so i’ll have 24hrs of sunshine, every day, every week, all year ‘round.
oh, and legali…

That would be really bad for your skin.

Remember on some quiz show once, when asked what law the panel would like to see suspended for a day, Jo Brand said the law of gravity…

Posted on Sat, 1 May 2004 at 08:58

#7

efilnikufesin wrote:

like the sound of that 24hr sunshine, you could wear your sunglasses at night then, but what would happen to the vampires?
I think i would change the times at which alchohol can be served to. Everywhere closes at 1am here and even earlier on a sunday, but i suppose i might fall prey to this obesity problem then with all the extra drinking, they do say beer is high in calories?

Posted on Sat, 1 May 2004 at 13:58

#8

3ddo-on-the-balcony (eddo) wrote:

I would stage a coup d’état, call out the Republic of the Netherlands, write out elections and see what would happen. I’m sure democratic parties would win, because I’d first abollish (one ‘l’ or two?) political parties based on religion, aristrocracy (not by death penalty!) and the royal family. It’s so simple.

Posted on Sat, 1 May 2004 at 23:16

#9

allroy (Rainer) wrote:

I’d go for reestablishing a monarchy in Germany as it’s the perfect form of government…

…when you’re the king. So hail King Allroy!!!! :D

Posted on Sun, 2 May 2004 at 11:59

#10

White Psycho wrote:

not so perfect when the people rise up against you.

Down with Allroy! etc :D

Posted on Sun, 2 May 2004 at 12:38

#11

allroy (Rainer) wrote:

White Psycho wrote:

Down with Allroy! etc :D

Hmmm, I think about going to war with you damn insurgent Britons. :cool:

Posted on Sun, 2 May 2004 at 18:05

#12

White Psycho wrote:

or follow our example and you could become a non-entity that is a subject of curiosity for american tourists :D While the government fuck us up on your behalf!

Posted on Sun, 2 May 2004 at 18:33

#13

Gav wrote:

allroy wrote:

Hmmm, I think about going to war with you damn insurgent Britons. :cool:

Our monarchy are all of German decent anyway - apart from big Philip (who is greek i think)

If you want them back you only need to ask! :D

Posted on Sun, 2 May 2004 at 23:53

#14

allroy (Rainer) wrote:

deadsetgav wrote:

If you want them back you only need to ask! :D

Not really, we still have our share of aristocrats pissing at pavillons at the Expo 2000.

After watching King Ralph I decided to lay down my plans to go for the crown. So feel relieved to live on in peace. :)

Posted on Mon, 3 May 2004 at 06:26

#15

ColdEthyl? wrote:

allroy wrote:

I’d go for reestablishing a monarchy in Germany as it’s the perfect form of government…

…when you’re the king. So hail King Allroy!!!! :D

So You’re saying you wanna kill me, the only possible queen for Germany, just to get that lousy throne? :eek: We’re not amused.

:D

Posted on Mon, 3 May 2004 at 10:54

#16

allroy (Rainer) wrote:

Was that a proposal? :cool:

The only real König von Deutschland should’ve been Rio Reiser, but as he’s dead we’ll have to stick to our democracy (Bundesaknzler Allroy doesn’t sound that bad either :) ).

Posted on Mon, 3 May 2004 at 11:16

#17

White Psycho wrote:

allroy wrote:

After watching King Ralph I decided to lay down my plans to go for the crown. So feel relieved to live on in peace. :)

So you’re gonna electrocute the royal family?

Posted on Mon, 3 May 2004 at 12:10

#18

ColdEthyl? wrote:

allroy wrote:

Was that a proposal? :cool:

The only real König von Deutschland should’ve been Rio Reiser, but as he’s dead we’ll have to stick to our democracy (Bundesaknzler Allroy doesn’t sound that bad either :) ).

So you really want to? Try it and I’ll cut your heart out with a spoon!!!!!!!! (Try killing me that is. Try becoming Bundeskanzler and it would be: More taxes and I’ll cut your heart out with… etc. etc. etc.) :D

Posted on Mon, 3 May 2004 at 12:39

#19

allroy (Rainer) wrote:

I thought of proposal as in “proposal of marriage”, but if you try that, you can hand over that spoon so that I can eat your heart out. :D

Posted on Mon, 3 May 2004 at 13:10

#20

ColdEthyl? wrote:

allroy wrote:

I thought of proposal as in “proposal of marriage”, but if you try that, you can hand over that spoon so that I can eat your heart out. :D

Proposal of marriage? Take a number and queue up. Only the best will do as king of Germany (and I don’t wanna marry Rio Reiser. Neither yet nor back then when he lived. ;) ).

Posted on Tue, 4 May 2004 at 13:11

#21

allroy (Rainer) wrote:

ColdEthyl? wrote:

Proposal of marriage? Take a number and queue up.

I took my number and it says “1”.
Oops, sorry, that’s my place in the “to be dumped”-queue.

Posted on Tue, 4 May 2004 at 13:50

#22

zipless wrote:

hmm… thought i was number1? and i have to admit, i’ve seen the handball aswell, actually there were two, right? old bag? damn, my german is getting worse:D

Posted on Tue, 4 May 2004 at 19:41

#23

allroy (Rainer) wrote:

zipless wrote:

hmm… thought i was number1? and i have to admit, i’ve seen the handball aswell, actually there were two, right? old bag? damn, my german is getting worse:D

It wouldn’t have mattered if we had fielded our Swiss goalkeeper, anyway.

I prefer an Ol’ Dirty Bastard instead of ‘old bag’. :D

Posted on Wed, 5 May 2004 at 06:37

#24

ColdEthyl? wrote:

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! *waves in a way she considers aristocratic*

Posted on Wed, 5 May 2004 at 11:26

#25

Misanthropologist (d) wrote:

ColdEthyl? wrote:

*waves in a way she considers aristocratic*

probably wiggling your fingers, and going “coooeey!”

Posted on Wed, 5 May 2004 at 13:29

#26

allroy (Rainer) wrote:

ColdEthyl? wrote:

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! *waves in a way she considers aristocratic*

Is this a challenge to a game of croquet?
Beware, sometimes I feel like Mad Hatter, not that that matters.

Posted on Wed, 5 May 2004 at 14:04

#27

ColdEthyl? wrote:

allroy wrote:

Is this a challenge to a game of croquet?
Beware, sometimes I feel like Mad Hatter, not that that matters.

*grins and disappears only leaving the grin*

Posted on Thu, 6 May 2004 at 11:34

#28

White Psycho wrote:

NOOOOOO! NOT THE GRIN!

The Grin terrorised us at leeds festival last year! HE put out our fire and all we could remember was a huge grin!

Posted on Thu, 6 May 2004 at 14:42

#29

ColdEthyl? wrote:

White Psycho wrote:

NOOOOOO! NOT THE GRIN!

The Grin terrorised us at leeds festival last year! HE put out our fire and all we could remember was a huge grin!

Sorry for bringing bad memories up. Who is HE?

Posted on Fri, 7 May 2004 at 11:06

#30

White Psycho wrote:

HE was a security guard at leeds last year, HE took great delight in putting out our fire!

Posted on Fri, 7 May 2004 at 13:19

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