#721
Lenny wrote:
Jeremy Beadle’s cremation is to be broadcast live on ITV…you’ve been Flamed!!
Posted on Fri, 1 February 2008 at 19:51
#722
Superunknown wrote:
HurricaneHolgi wrote:
This joke doesnt deserve to be in this thread.
because it’s too bad?
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 13:31 in reply to an earlier post
#723
Charlie wrote:
Nah because it isn’t a joke ?
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 14:43
#724
angela (angela) wrote:
Guess I hurt someones feelings…
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 17:24
#725
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
Nah, some of us can out last the batteries ( :-D ) and some of us can’t - it’s that simple.
And it’s just down to the woman to choose if they want a quick fix or the full experience. :-D
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 17:52
#726
HurricaneHolgi (Holgi) wrote:
angela wrote:
Guess I hurt someones feelings…
No its just the most stupid thing I ve ever heard and it isnt funny at all. If vibrators could mow the grass wouldnt we all be a lot happier …
It is just a real bad try to answer to all the misogynistic jokes. I wouldnt even call it a joke.
But this is just my opinion. If you think it is funny and it is obvisously a bad one please post more crap like that. I wont hurt your feelings and wont be offensive here as I am not feeling defensive with this bad taste joke.
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 19:20 in reply to an earlier post
#727
mrs h wrote:
@ Angela - I liked it. Must be a woman thing ;)
@ HurricaneHolgi - This is a bad joke thread. They’re almost all in poor taste and the vast majority of them aren’t even remotely funny. Why not lighten up a bit, and think about how incredibly lucky you are that that is the stupidest thing you have ever heard?
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 19:37
#728
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
In the paper it said “Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather”.
Not once has my 87 year old neighbour coume round to check if I’m all right!
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 19:43
#729
mrs h wrote:
@ HurricaneHolgi - See what I mean?!
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 19:52
#730
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
Pfui!! And I was trying so hard :-D
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 19:57
#731
mrs h wrote:
I’ll say that for you, AS - you’re always ‘trying’ :)
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 19:59
#732
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
*now sulking in the empty corner*
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 20:02
#733
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually
she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her
while she was sleeping. ‘Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?’
When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting
behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. ‘God Almighty!’
shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, ‘Very good’ and continued teaching her class. A little
later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, ‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’ But Mary
didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and
stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. ‘Jesus Christ!!!’ shouted Mary Margaret
and the Nun once again said, ’ very good,’ and Mary Marg aret fell back
asleep. The Nun asked her a third question…’What did Eve say to Adam after she
had her twenty-third child?’ Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and
shouted, ‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it
in half!’
The nun fainted
:-D
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 20:49
#734
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL.. YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE -
MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY, WITH THE SAME NAME, HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED FAIRVIEW HIGH SCHOOL.
‘YES. YES, I DID. I’M A BULLDOG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
‘WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED , ‘IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?’
‘YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ASS, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED,
‘WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???
:-D
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 20:57
#735
HurricaneHolgi (Holgi) wrote:
@mrs_h: In this thread are so many quality good bad jokes but I think this one wasnt bad it was worse. I guess it isnt the only worse one here. Maybe we should start a new thread which is called ’ Really worse jokes which maybe just women find funny thread’ :D narrr I just wanted to point out that this one was more than just dull
Posted on Sun, 3 February 2008 at 22:11
#736
angela (angela) wrote:
Here is another one, I don’t know if you’re blonde, but it’s not personal.
Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says “Damn, I can’t get in the car!
The other blonde replies,”keep trying, it looks like it s going to rain and the top is down.”
Posted on Mon, 4 February 2008 at 12:37
#737
HurricaneHolgi (Holgi) wrote:
this one is half as stupid as the other one :p
Posted on Tue, 5 February 2008 at 00:15
#738
Lola* wrote:
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”
The nun replied, “He went that way.”
After the MP’s ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough Sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq.”
The nun said, “I understand completely.”
The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…I don’t want to go to Iraq either.”
Posted on Tue, 5 February 2008 at 15:00
#739
CS (Colin S) wrote:
:D Brilliant Ciara, absolutely brilliant!
Holgi, this is the bad joke thread…
Posted on Tue, 5 February 2008 at 17:15
#740
HurricaneHolgi (Holgi) wrote:
yeah that was a one made me laugh :D
Posted on Tue, 5 February 2008 at 19:31
#741
Charlie wrote:
What is red and white and sits in a tree ?
A sanitary OWL :D
Posted on Thu, 7 February 2008 at 01:44
#742
mrs h wrote:
Posted on Thu, 7 February 2008 at 20:00
#743
CS (Colin S) wrote:
I remember the odd epileptic joke floating around here…
What do you call 500 epileptics in a disco?
A foam party.
What do you call a group of epileptics in a bowl?
Seizure Salad!
What do you call seven epileptics wrapped in tin-foil?
Wrigleys
Q: Whats the difference between a dead epileptic and Dawn French’s wedding dress?
A: Neither of them fit anymore.
Posted on Thu, 7 February 2008 at 20:30
#744
Dennis wrote:
A Man Went To His Appointment With The Urologist
In the examining room
he told the doctor, “Don’t laugh!”
“Of course I won’t laugh,” the doctor said. “I’m a professional. In
more than twenty years I’ve never Laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
the tiniest ‘willie’ the doctor had ever seen.
It wasn’t any bigger than a triple A battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell to the
floor laughing hysterically. Ten minutes later he was
able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
” I’m so sorry,” he said. “I really am. I don’t know what came over me.
On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won’t happen again.
Now, what seems to be the problem?”
“It’s swollen,” the man replied.
Posted on Fri, 8 February 2008 at 10:26
#745
angela (angela) wrote:
Posted on Fri, 8 February 2008 at 12:48
#746
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
Why did the Red Indian go home?
He needed ta pee.
:-)… :-(
*Already walking to get coat*
Posted on Thu, 14 February 2008 at 20:21
#747
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
Two monkeys in a tree:
Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the first monkey!
Posted on Thu, 14 February 2008 at 20:24
#748
mr self destruct wrote:
I remember one from when I was at school about a Jamaican and a “beercan” sandwich, but I think it’s too offensive for round here
Posted on Fri, 15 February 2008 at 20:07
#749
The Auto Surgeon (Mark) wrote:
Well maybe there should be a “Bad Taste Joke” thread then?!?!?!
Posted on Fri, 15 February 2008 at 20:53
#750
chr1s (The T.F.M) wrote:
A lizard and a monkey were sitting in a tree sharing a joint. Lizard passes the joint to monkey and climbs out of the tree.
“Where you going?” asked Monkey.
“I’m going down to the river to get a drink of water” Replied lizard.
Lizard reaches the river and starts to drink heartily. Crocodile pops his head out of the water.
“Hey!! Lizard!! How’s it going??”
“Not bad Croc, a bit stoned tho”
“You got some weed??”
“Yeah, me and monkey are smoking”
“Where’s Monkey?”
“He’s in the tree over there”
Crocodile goes to see monkey.
Meanwhile, monkey has skinned up another fat joint and is completely stoned.
Crocodile sees monkey in the tree, and with a smile shouts, “Hi Monkey!!!”
Monkey looks at his joint in disbelief and says “Whoa dude!!! How much water did you drink!!!!”
:D
Posted on Mon, 18 February 2008 at 08:18
