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Gracious me…

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Started by Hooch's mum (mrs h the 1st) in Chit-Chat

Well. What can i tell you? I’ve never visited this site before, and i’m not interested in Therapy? (apart from i really liked Screamager) but i have a problem on my hands and that problem is Hooch. And Daryl. I invited them round for a meal and all they’re doing is holding hands and rubbing themselves together in a truly disgusting manner. Frankly I’m appalled. The only times they have bothered to speak to me is when their tongues have unlocked themselves because one or the other of them is dying of thirst. I’m bitterly disappointed, (i had hopes for my daughter to marry Prince William). It has all gone horribly wrong. If anyone out there can help me to salvage this hideous man-made disaster then please get in touch asap. They’re planning to marry next Tuesday and I need some serious objections from the congregation. Thank you for taking the time to read this message. Now please help me to live again…

Posted on Wed, 3 August 2005 at 22:43

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#1

Tubthumper (Scott Morrison) wrote:

Excuse me Mrs Hooch, or Lobster, or something, but have you been under the influence of a certain alcoholic fluid? :p

Posted on Wed, 3 August 2005 at 23:13

#2

deadsetgav wrote:

Well Hooch’s Mum, you sure do have a dilema on your hands…

If Hooch did marry Prince William, it would only end in divorce about 10 years down the line cause Wills has been bunking up with his polo horse… its a royal defect you see, its in their genes.

So I think you have to examine other alternative paths of happiness… Do I detect a hint of jealousy in your post?

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 06:28

#3

motherh666 wrote:

Don’t worry Mrs Lobster! I’ll sort it out.
THE GRADUATE STYLE!

I’ll be at that church, ready and waiting, with a yellow school bus waiting outside. Once we have her out of there and to safety we can let the deprogramming begin.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 07:34

#4

Divers (Simon) wrote:

You don’t want her to marry prince William, because of genetics your grandchild has a chance of turning out like a Jug ear’d C*nt or worse have social tourettes like the great grand father.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 07:50

#5

JSar666 wrote:

wtf, someone trying to thwart my plans to get hooch and d to marry? I won’t hear of it :mad:

In addition to my plan to make them meet up and go on a date I will now have to get hooch’s mum on my side. Hmm. The rational way is to look at the pros and cons of Harry vs. Daryl.

Dress sense
—————-
d: A sharp dresser if there ever was one.
Harry: Once dressed up as a nazi. Not big, nor clever.

WINNER: d

Personality
—————-
d: Funnier than 3 hobos having a fight over a purple tin, more intelligent than 3 NASA computers, can multitask
Harry: A spoilt brat that wouldn’t be able to tie his shoe-laces without help from his servants. Prone to excessive smoking, drinking and cheating (on his exams, anyway).

WINNER: d

Looks
——-
d: Actually, I can’t comment on this because the wuss never puts a photo up.
Harry: Inbred and ginger. Do you really want your grandkids
to look like this?

WINNER: d

Wealth
———
d: He’s got a butler and a monocle. What more could you ask for?
Harry: Ok, I’ll admit. He’s got plenty of cash. But his family and advisors would probably not let him spend all of it on Pres. Kennedy.

WINNER: d

Taste in music
———————
d: He’s a T? fan. ‘Nuff said.
Harry: It doesn’t matter. He’s not a WoMble.

WINNER: d

OVERALL: With 5 categories under his belt, I think it’s safe to say victory belongs to the man in black.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 10:42

#6

Hooch's mum (mrs h the 1st) wrote:

But I never said I wanted her to marry Harry! … I don’t want jug eared c*nts with social tourettes for grandchildren, though - especially if they’re half child, half polo pony creatures :(

Of course I had been drinking when I posted! You would have been drinking too, if you had to put up with that sort of behaviour at the dinner table. And no, I wasn’t jealous - I’ve never felt the urge to poke my tongue down my daughter’s throat. (I can’t find an emoticon for throwing up, sorry!)…

I’ll have to rely on the yellow bus - I think they’re doing it at Skipton Registry office, so I’ll meet you out front. I’ll be the one in black, wailing and gnashing my teeth …

Thank you all for your words of wisdom :)

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:00

#7

JSar666 wrote:

Ah crap.

William, Harry, it’s all the same to me :p

Well, Wills is better-looking than Harry and better-behaved, but d is every woman’s dream. And especially hooch’s :cool:

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:02

#8

motherh666 wrote:

Hooch’smum wrote:

I’ll be the one in black, wailing and gnashing my teeth …

You sound like just my kind of woman. You into any kinky stuff?

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:13

#9

Divers (Simon) wrote:

motherh666 wrote:

You sound like just my kind of woman. You into any kinky stuff?

:D Go for it Seb you could have a double wedding.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:15

#10

JSar666 wrote:

Hell yeah. Imagine the family gatherings!

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:17

#11

motherh666 wrote:

Lots of mono-browed hunchbacks drinking heavily and fighting for chicken drumsticks. Like a pack of tasmanian devils on crack.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:18

#12

Divers (Simon) wrote:

Is that your side of the family or hoochs mums?:p

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:21

#13

motherh666 wrote:

I can tell you’ve never been to Glasgow.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:22

#14

Ci? wrote:

well as i’m already catering for divers party I would be quite willing to extend the favour and supply food for the double wedding…

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:22

#15

JSar666 wrote:

motherh666 wrote:

I can tell you’ve never been to Glasgow.

LMAO I’m going to hyperventilate.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:24

#16

Divers (Simon) wrote:

motherh666 wrote:

I can tell you’ve never been to Glasgow.

Sadly no, I got engadged in Edinbourgh but thats as Close as I have been.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:25

#17

JSar666 wrote:

“Edinburgh is an English colony ravaged by junkies and neds”

- Seb D, 2004

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:28

#18

Divers (Simon) wrote:

I never really saw the place, we hardly left the hotel.

Anyway Seb to get round the problem just don’t invite your family!

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:30

#19

JSar666 wrote:

Hell no, I want to see this. It’ll be like the pikeys from Snatch on cheap acid.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:32

#20

Divers (Simon) wrote:

Please stop my sides hurt and I need to pee!:D

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:33

#21

motherh666 wrote:

Just don’t use the good silver. Infact, don’t use any cutlery, just let them use their disfigured hairy hands.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:38

#22

Ci? wrote:

hairy hands,,,,hairy toes,,,,,what next??

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:39

#23

hoochalobster (Sarah) Super Moderator wrote:

I have nothing to declare but my innocence!

Though I might go ahead with this wedding lark just for the crack of seeing Seb in the yellow bus. I think it’ll be more Wayne’s World than The Graduate though :D

And hands off my mother, perv. :p

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:40

#24

JSar666 wrote:

Is that really your ma?

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:42

#25

Divers (Simon) wrote:

At this point I don’t think Seb cares, it’s a date!

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:44

#26

hoochalobster (Sarah) Super Moderator wrote:

Yes, that was really my mother. We got very drunk last night…

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:50

#27

JSar666 wrote:

Cool :cool:

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:52

#28

Divers (Simon) wrote:

hoochalobster wrote:

Yes, that was really my mother. We got very drunk last night…

Good Lass:D

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:52

#29

motherh666 wrote:

Really? I thought it was just somebody having a laugh at your expense. My apologies Mrs Lobster, I did not mean to be so curt and forward. :D *straightens tie*

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:53

#30

Divers (Simon) wrote:

I wouldn’t have said jug eared C*nt, even though it would be true.

Posted on Thu, 4 August 2005 at 11:56

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