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Tell me a joke..

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Started by satanslittlehelper

heres one of my favorites: a wealthy couple are going to a party, so the lady of the house tells her butler to take the night off. so they get to the party but before long the lady decides to go home, leaving her husband there. she returns home to find her butler, jeeves, alone drinking brandy. she instructs him to follow her, leading him to her bedroom. she shuts the door and says to him ‘jeeves remove my dress’ he does as he is told and looks at her. next she says ‘jeeves take of my bra and panties’ jeeves, excited now, does this. then she looks at him and smiles and says ‘jeeves, if i ever catch you wearing my clothes again your fired!’ Well thats one of my favorites, whats yours?

Posted on Mon, 5 November 2001 at 21:01

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#1

donVutz wrote:

I don’t know any jokes, so I’ll just pick one from Beavis and Butthead.
My doctor said I’m crazy. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said: O.k., you’re a bunghole too.

Posted on Mon, 5 November 2001 at 21:49

#2

innocentx wrote:

i was going through some kkk sites for a paper i’m doing for class ..i went through some jokes they had.. a lot of them sucked but these were pretty funny :

A Jew, a Hindu and a nigger were driving in the country one night when their car broke down. They walked to a nearby farm house and asked if they could spend the night. The farmer told them yes, but he only had two extra beds but he had a clean barn full of fresh straw and one of them would have to spend the night there.
The Jew said he had spent several years on a kibutz in Israel and sleeping in a barn wouldn’t bother him. Out to the barn goes the Jew and everybody else went to bed. Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door and there stood the Jew. He said he couldn’t sleep in the barn because there was a pig in the barn and his religion forbid it. The Hindu said no problem, he had grown up in Bombay and he wouldn’t have a problem sleeping in a clean barn with a pig. Out to the barn goes the Hindu and everybody else went to bed. Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door and there stood the Hindu. He said he couldn’t sleep in the barn because there was a cow in the barn and his religion forbid it.The nigger said no problem, he had grown up in south L.A. and there was no way a pig or a cow was going to keep him from a good nights sleep. Out to the barn goes the nigger and everybody else went to bed. Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door and there stood the pig and the cow.

There’s a nigger, a Canadian and an American on top of one of the sears towers. The American says to the nigger, ‘I bet you I can jump off of here and hit the wind current just right - floating softly to the ground.’ The nigger looks amazed at the American. ‘I dont be leave it sucka, ya fuckin wit me aint ya?’ the nigger says. So the American says, ‘Ok, Ill prove it to you.’ The American leaps off the building and floats all the way down. Once down, he runs all the way up the stairs to the Canadian and the nigger. ‘See, I told ya nigger… now you give it a try.’ ‘Otay,’ the nigger says as he leaps off the building. ‘SPLAT!’ the nigger is splattered all over the side walk. The Canadian looks over at the American and says ‘You know Superman, sometimes you can be pretty mean.’

A White man and a Black man are arguing about which race God belongs to. They argue about this for hours, and finally they decide to ask the heavens for the answer. The black looks upwards and asks: ‘God, I gotta know. Is you Black or is you White?’ The answer booms down from above. ‘I AM WHAT I AM’. Vindicated, the Black man says: ‘There, you see, I told you he was a brother.’ ‘Not so,’ replies the White. ‘If he was Black, he would have said ‘I IS WHAT I IS’.

A ship sinks and the only survivors are a Russian, a Jamaican, a skinhead and a nigger. At sea for days, they finally come within sight of land. The Russian opens a hidden bottle of Stoli vodka, takes one swig and throws the remainder of the bottle into the water much to the other passangers dismay. The Russian explains that where he comes from, there is plenty of Stoli, it is worth nothing and means nothing. The Jamaican then procceds to light a huge blunt, takes one hit, and then throw the remainder to sea explaining, ‘Mon, in my country we have plenty of marijuanna, it is worth nothing, means nothing.’ So then the White man from New Jersey throws the nigger into the water!

Two flies were having a race across a nigger’s lips. After each had won one race, they decided to run a tie breaker. Panting, the one fly reached the finish line, only to discover his friend had already arrived with time to spare. ‘How did you do that?’ he inquired. ‘I took a shortcut around his head.’

how do you drown a black man?
pop his lips

what do you say to a black man in a uniform?
i’ll have a big mac, fries and a coke

what do you say to a woman with no tits?
nothing

a duck and a skunk are talking to each other..the duck asks the skunk what he looks like. the skunk says, well you have webbed feet, a bill and feathers, you’re a duck.. the skunk then asks the duck what he looks like…the duck says…well, you’re white, you’re black , and you smell…you’re puerto rican!!

what did the little black kid with diarrhea say?
i’m melting

why did the black man cross the road?
he smelled chicken

why do italians have big nostrils?
because they have fat fingers

why don’t they let the little black kid play in the sand box anymore?
because the cat kept burrying him

what do you call a black man in a mercedes?
grand theft auto

2 gay guys find a magic lamp…the genie said he’d offer them one wish..instead of making that wish right away the 2 gay guys decided to save the wish for later..the next day the kkk rush into their house, rope them up and drag them to a tree outside…one gay guy says..i think we should use that wish now.. the other guy said, i already did, i wished that we were hung like black people

if a black man robs your house, where’s the safest place to hide your money?
in the books

how do you know if it’s a jewish person’s back yard?
they have toilet paper hanging on the clothesline

why do mexicans eat beans?
they like taking bubble baths

what do you call 3 black guys in a steam room?
gorillas in he mist

Posted on Thu, 8 November 2001 at 12:55

#3

donVutz wrote:

Come on, is that it? Just jokes about blacks jews and some others? How boring, I exceptet a bit more. Where are the jokes about homosexuel or disabled people?
I was laughing my head off reading this while thinking about how my country lokked like around 1940.

Posted on Thu, 8 November 2001 at 14:36

#4

Dermot (The Derm) wrote:

Its like ‘Naziboy’ all over again, only worse. Sweet Jesus.

Posted on Thu, 8 November 2001 at 17:44

#5

opalmantra wrote:

I like the Gorillas in the Mist one…

Posted on Thu, 8 November 2001 at 19:07

#6

innocentx wrote:

sorry to dissapoint you all, but i’m no racist..i hate everyone equally (drumroll)..but seriously a lot of my friends are black and even my x was mixed. jokes are jokes..i read those jokes and they were funny to me. if you people didn’t think those jokes were funny, i wouldn’t be surprised..considering the joke one of you posted..if you can call it a joke..and for your information, i did make a gay joke. read t a few times..i’m sure you’ll eventually get them. here’s some more :

a guy walks into a bar and asks the guy sitting next to him if he wanted to hear a polish joke…the guy sitting next to him said ‘sure,but i think you should know something first,…i’m 100% polish 6 foot 5 and 230 pounds..the guy sitting next to me is also 100% polish 6 foot 7, and 340 pounds, and the guy next to him is 100% polish, 400 pounds and 6 foot 8’ he then says to the guy ‘do you still want to tell that polish joke?’..the guy says ‘no, i don’t want to explain it 3 times

There’s a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley’s
Grocery Store. The owner, Tim, doesn’t know what Junior’s problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it’s bigger.One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, ‘Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?’ Junior said, ‘Well, if I took the dime, they’d quit doing it!’

A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible
screams of pain and torture coming from inside. She says to St. Peter, ‘What’s going on?’He says, ‘That’s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos.’She says, ‘Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I’d rather go toHell.’St. Peter says, ‘In Hell, you’ll be constantly raped and sodomized.’She says, ‘That’s okay. I’ve already got holes for that.’

One guy asked his buddy why he got a $100 bill tattooed on his dick. He replied, “I like to play with my money… I like to watch it grow.. and I like to see how quick my wife can blow a hundred bucks!”

how do you get 3 gay guys to sit on a stool?
turn it upside down
how do you get them off?
shake it

what do you call a redneck orphan?
a virgin

what do you call a black guy with red teeth?
night rider

why can’t ray harles or stevie wonder read?
because they’re black

what’s the most confusing day for black people?
father’s day

why do black people always have sex on their minds?
because they have pubic hair on their heads

an american, and englishman and barnacus (from this board) were stranded on a deserted islandafter the ship they wer on sank..after years and years of being stranded on the island, they found a magic lamp on the island..the genie said he’d grant each of them one wish.. the american wished he were home..his wish was granted. the englishman also wished he was home…that wish was granted also..when it came to barbacus’s turn to make a wish, he wished his two friends came back

a guy finds a magic lamp and the genie comes out of it. the genie said he’d grant him 3 wishes.. his first wish was that all black people went back to africa, that wish was grated…the second ish he made was that all mexicans went back to mexico…that wish was granted. he then sa to the genie..’you mean to tell me tht all black people are in africa and all mexicans are in mexico’? the genie said ‘yes, what is your 3rd wish?’ ..the guy said, ‘i’ll have a coke’

Posted on Thu, 8 November 2001 at 19:41

#7

White Psycho wrote:

a prostitute is on a street corner when a panda pulls up in a car, the prostitute says, ‘It’ll be better if we go back to my place’. So they go back to the prostitute’s house, they go to the kitchen and she says,’Do you want something to eat before we do the business?’ The pandas accepts and has something to eat. Then they go upstairs and do the business. After they have finished the panda gets up and makes to leave. The prostitute says, ‘Hey! I’m a prostitute, you give me money!’ The panda brings out a dictionary and looks up ‘prostitute’ it is listed as ‘someone who sells their body for profit.’ The panda looks at her and says, ‘I’m a panda’, she says,’What do you mean?’ so the panda looks up ‘panda’ in his dictionary which says, ‘panda: eats shoots-leaves’

Posted on Fri, 9 November 2001 at 19:54

#8

mfgeorge wrote:

2 aliens land in the desert, right beside an abandoned gas station… they get out of their spaceship and walk up the gas pumps, thinking they are a life form, and the first one says ‘take me to your leader’… the gas pump doesn’t answer… the first one says again ‘take me to your leader or i’ll vaporize you’… the gas pump still doesn’t answer… so the second alien says to the first alien ‘i think he’s mean’… the first one says to the gas pump again ‘take me to your leader or i’ll vaporize you’… again the gas pump doesn’t answer so the first alien pulls out a gun and shoots the gas pump… of course there’s still some gas in the pump so there’s this huge explosion and the aliens end up flying in the air and landing a mile away from the explosion… lying in the sand the second alien says to the first ‘i told you he was mean’, and the first one says ‘how did you know’… the second one replies ‘anyone that can wrap their dick around their neck and put it in their ear is mean’

Posted on Fri, 9 November 2001 at 21:38

#9

Alan wrote:

Guy walks in to a bar and asks the donkey bartender for a drink.
The donkey pulls the pint, hands it to the man and says;…wait for it…

”hee yaw!”

Posted on Thu, 15 November 2001 at 11:21

#10

The Ostrich wrote:

Why did hitler kill himself????
He got his gas bill

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahohohohohohohohohohohohohoh ohoohohohohohohoohhoohohehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe h… oh oh my

Posted on Thu, 15 November 2001 at 11:28

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