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what to do? help!

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Started by gapu in Chit-Chat

hi there!

i know i’ve been not around much lately, but today i’ve heard about something that makes me pretty angry and sad too.

it’s about a good girlfriend of mine. we know each other since we were born, but a so-called friendship started actually about two years ago. we had not much contact lately, because of being busy and stuff. but anyway, i really like her. i am not sure, but i think she really liked me that time when we had more contact too. but there was noting more that just “being friends”…
but than we’ve seen eachothers rarely and she started a relationship with another boy from my class. actually i was shocked when i heard about that, because he’s more or less the opposite of me… and an absolute prick by the way. but it’s not the first time i noticed that beautiful and friendly girls have assholes as their boyfriends… i really can’t tell you what she likes about him, but anyway that’s another story.

today i’ve been told that she has been cheated by her boyfriend. she doesn’t know it. But I do…

the thing is: should i tell and risk that their relationship breaks down? in my eyes, actually: YES!
can a couple build a relationship if they fuck with other people after about 4 months of being in a relationship? No… i mean, it was actually just a matter of time till that stupid idiot cheats on her… and damn she deserves so much more!!! further, she’s got a right to now!

i think i really should tell it, but i want to hear what you all say… because it’s not so easy to decide… this is very serious, and since i’ve been told i have to think about her often. because she’s really such a cute girl and deserves someone who respects her…

Posted on Sun, 1 July 2007 at 23:29

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#1

Evilbeast (Dany Brillant) wrote:

Well, Rainy,for that kind of things,I’ve been always told to”Mind my own business and not others’ones” so I don’t think that you should tell her that in a direct way,it will create problems between you and her or you and her b/f etc…
Maybe you should make her understand in a “clever” way that her b/f is not as nice as he pretends…

If you’re optimistic,tell to yourself that it may not last between them and she’ll soon take aware that her b/f is a cunt…

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 00:16

#2

gapu wrote:

and you really think this works? i mean, just saying that her boyfriend isn’t as nice as she believes? well, could be…

…or just wishing and waiting?

ok, thanks for now dave :)
i have to think about that now…

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 07:55

#3

Dennis wrote:

As a friend, it may be a nice thing to do, to let her know that her boyfriend has cheated on her.

However, as this is a girl you are interested in yourself, don’t make the mistake of doing it just to try and make her yours - sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

If you are a friend, telling her for her own good so she doesn’t waste any more time with a cheat is a good thing but don’t do it just to try and win her over.

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 08:28

#4

mrs h wrote:

Dennis is right - whatever you do don’t go telling her because you think she will thank you for it, she won’t - and she might even hate you for it!

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 09:09

#5

Cuchulain wrote:

Well , I’d tell her straight away and make up some more stuff to throw in there as well !

But then I’m a jealous fecker and you’re probably not.

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 13:03

#6

marja (sinner) wrote:

you say “you have been told that he cheated on her” so actually you don’t know for sure —> don’t tell her, because you will end up as the bad guy.

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 13:29

#7

zipless wrote:

You could… nah, probably a bit harsh on her. Never mind.

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 14:51

#8

gapu wrote:

“making her mine” was not really the idea behind telling it to her, but before she started her relationship i was thinking about that too. now that i “actually know” (not for 100%, but pretty sure, cause the person who told me that is a good friend of mine and she’s right in most cases) that he cheats on her, i feel kinda she’s got to know it… but well, it’s a dilemma, kinda…

the fact that she could hate me after i’ve told it to her, never came to my mind! but well, it really could happen that way if i’d tell her… awwww, it’s not that easy!

thanks for all the advises, people!

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 17:55

#9

Citizen Erased wrote:

Type a letter, leave it where she’ll find it, she won’t recgnise the hand writing. :D

Probably best to leave it, but be ready with the tissues for when she does find out from elsewhere.

As all involved sound under 30 (oh, okay Hooch, 25), I really think you shouldn’t be having any intimate physical relationships anyway. Concentrate on your studies.

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 18:22

#10

Lola* wrote:

if you are going to tell her make sure you know for sure that he’s cheating on her cos otherwise it’ll look like you’re trying to cause trouble.

if i found out that one of my friends was being cheated on i’d tell them…

Posted on Mon, 2 July 2007 at 19:52

#11

Viirkokka wrote:

Citizen Erased wrote:

As all involved sound under 30, I really think you shouldn’t be having any intimate physical relationships anyway. Concentrate on your studies.

Awhhhh you don’t have to wait until you’re thirty to have intimate physical relationships. Aslong as you’re safe and in a good relationship and not just running around shooting your rocks off like a dork I reckon it’s ok to start at 16/17. Aslong as the person is not an emotional moron like the majority of teenagers.

Anyway..
Whether you tell her should rely on how good friends you are with her and how much contact you have with her. If she is as good friend as your guy mates then I think she’s friend enough to be told. Otherwise it’s kinda like she’s hearing it from a 2nd or 3rd tier friend.

I hope that makes sense.

If you’re not particularly excellent friends then maybe try to get closer to her first and then take it from there.

Posted on Tue, 3 July 2007 at 11:57

#12

buffalo-boy wrote:

My bro goes out with a cheating fucking gypsy piece of shit - one of my mates told him and they split up, then settled their differences and got back together! She is still a piece of shit in our minds so the lesson here is that when the truth comes out and emotions are got over honesty is always the best answer. ;) Hope this helps!

Posted on Tue, 3 July 2007 at 12:31

#13

zipless wrote:

Viirkokka wrote:

maybe try to get closer to her first and then take it from there.

:p

Posted on Tue, 3 July 2007 at 15:19

#14

gapu wrote:

Viirkokka wrote:

Anyway..
Whether you tell her should rely on how good friends you are with her and how much contact you have with her. If she is as good friend as your guy mates then I think she’s friend enough to be told. Otherwise it’s kinda like she’s hearing it from a 2nd or 3rd tier friend.

I hope that makes sense.

well, in my opinion this makes sense… back in the days it was more like a inbetween of 1st & 2nd class friend, but now its more like 2nd class… oh it sounds stupid… but i know what you mean with it.

buffalo-boy wrote:

My bro goes out with a cheating fucking gypsy piece of shit - one of my mates told him and they split up, then settled their differences and got back together! She is still a piece of shit in our minds so the lesson here is that when the truth comes out and emotions are got over honesty is always the best answer. ;) Hope this helps!

as for that, i just can say not all stories have a happy ending. by the way, it’s a nice language you’re using!

Posted on Tue, 3 July 2007 at 17:30

#15

mrs h wrote:

Why don’t you just post her name on here and then suggest she does a google search for herself? :D

Posted on Tue, 3 July 2007 at 17:34

#16

gapu wrote:

YEAH, i also thought about sending an anonymous short message to her mobile phone

Posted on Tue, 3 July 2007 at 17:59

#17

mrs h wrote:

That would be really really cruel, and a bit scary :)

Have you decided what to do yet?

Posted on Tue, 3 July 2007 at 18:00

#18

buffalo-boy wrote:

Dennis’ advice was best. If you tell her and they do split up the last thing she will be interested in is starting another relationship straight away anyway.

Please excuse my French gapu :p

Posted on Wed, 4 July 2007 at 07:38

#19

gapu wrote:

no need to excuse! i like it, i think it sounds catchy and should be added in every dictionary!

no, i yet don’t know what to do, or if i’ll do anything… i also thought about just talking to her, and how’s it going with her boyfriend. just having a little chat to find out if she already knows anything about it.

or being so open to ask her if she felt the same way, back then, when we had more contact. if she would say yes, i could ask her why she started a relationship with a guy whose not a thing like me… but maybe this strategie is a bit too offensive

Posted on Wed, 4 July 2007 at 08:28

#20

Viirkokka wrote:

gapu wrote:

or being so open to ask her if she felt the same way, back then, when we had more contact.

I think this sounds like a good idea. Maybe up your friendship with her first and then ask if she ever liked you.

Not so sure about what you said;
“if she would say yes, i could ask her why she started a relationship with a guy whose not a thing like me… but maybe this strategie is a bit too offensive”

since everyone has their own tastes I think that would be a bad idea.. but maybe just find out if she liked you, still likes you(?)

Maybe if you get your friendship going again first and wait until her relationship with her boyfriend breaks down a bit you can squeeeeeze in there :D

Posted on Wed, 4 July 2007 at 10:56

#21

Gimme Back My Brainsaw wrote:

Are you certain he’s cheated? did a reliable source tell you?

becuase you have feelings for this girl you may be jumping to conclusins about this guy, and only looking at the negatives of him, he could be a really nice guy but your just looking at him as a prick

if it is true then dont tell her, she’ll find out on her own eventually, if its going round enough for someone to randomly tell you its bound to slip out to her eventually.

Posted on Wed, 4 July 2007 at 11:05

#22

gapu wrote:

i am very very sure that he cheated! as i said before i’ve heard it from someone who is right in most cases!

as for conclusions: no, i’ve known him already about a year before they started their relationship, i never really liked him, he always wants to show off! i hate these people! in most cases he’s really a prick.
ok, there were a few ok-moments… but that’s it. last time i’ve met him, he was already a bit drunk, and was very very nice… he told me to stay strong for the forthcoming final test that i have in september, and that things will work out great for me! i was blown away, he never was this nice to me or anyone, as far as i know.
strange: most people turn into cunts after they had few drinks and not the other way round. i guess he’s gets emotional after drinking… i always believe that most people got a good heart inside them, it’s just that the majority of people are too shy to show it!

except for that moment, he’s really not a nice person. i always used not to have too much contact with him! but that’s not too easy if you are in the same class.

Viirkokka wrote:

I think this sounds like a good idea. Maybe up your friendship with her first and then ask if she ever liked you.

thanks! now that you’ve agreed to it, i believe it sounds like the best solution!

Posted on Wed, 4 July 2007 at 11:25

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