Wall of Mouths

gimmebackmybrainsaw wrote:

nope we just learn about diseases and why the only 100% way to have safe sex is to not have sex.

Its pretty funny that my ICT teacher teaches me sex too, i had alot of fun in ICT talking about how i’d just had sex with our teacher :p

The only 100% safe way to have sex is to not have sex with a teacher :D

I’m afraid I have probably spent much more time studying it than doing it.

Although I don’t recall any of the literature I have found to be most useful appearing on any school reading lists…

Do they teach you anything nice about sex?!

Squeezing a lemon?! I ain’t letting anyone do that to MY private-and-confidentials!! :eek:

joseph? wrote:

Nevermind, all I remember from those lessons is how different people wank.

Really?!

I don’t remember that!

man, things have changed since my day…although to be fair, I think since I was at school there has been scientific evidence proving once and for all that storks do NOT deliver babies.

…just margerine-type spread.

Oh shit. I just realised that there is more than one page to this thread!

Why didn’t one of you fuckers write PTO at the bottom to help me out, huh?

:mad:

Jess wrote:

It made me laugh, Dennis, never call me Darling

I know, I was only pulling your leg, I ain’t a neanderthal, Loaded-reading “bloke” really.

Sometimes I envy you women, especially with those lovely high-heeled shoes you get to wear and those great frocks…I mean, it’s not like I ALWAYS try them on when the wife’s out, I mean, it’s just curiosity, right? Every man does that once in a while…don’t they?!

Who is Taunty Dan?

And reasons why it is good to be a man:

1. It means we aren’t women.

Just the one reason, but I think it trumps your sexist propaganda, darling.

:D

Hooch’s mum wrote:

Well he’s cute, but then little kids are aren’t they? :) Can we have a picture of you building a snowman in your little Postman Pat bobble hat and mittens? :)

:D

Not Wales, no. I’m in Meriden, which is a stone’s throw from the Birmingham NEC arena/ Brum Airport - but is just over the border into what is technically Coventry.

Though our office complex is on a part-converted (and still functional) farm, so I do quite often see sheep outside my window and large expanses of greenery, so I guess it’s a kind of Wales-away-from-Wales :D

Oh look, it’s snowing outside, and if I’m not mistaken…yes…wait for the cluncking noise…yup, the office boiler’s packed up again.

Pray for me as I turn blue at my desk :mad:

Hooch’s mum wrote:

And nightly headaches :D

Are you sure you aren’t my wife?!

Hooch’s mum wrote:

You don’t have flu. If you did you wouldn’t be typing on here, you would be under the bedcovers sweating and freezing and delirious and wishing you were dead. Still - one day you will be a man, so I suppose you might as well start pretending that a heavy cold is flu now :)

As opposed to being a woman, which involves doing the old “I’m dying” routine under the covers once a month.

:D

You need to have guards to protect your fish in those parts?!

*scratches head*

man, those are some damn rough chip shops round your way.

Wouldn’t “HAVE” gone, not “of”.

Easy mistake that many people make, just because of the way it sounds.

You may have an excuse not to go to school, but you will not miss out on lessons today, dammit!!!!

G__d m______g, G_______W!

I’m not drinking any milk that some Finnish bloke has stuck his toe in!

:mad:

Marja, I’d offer to help, but my Finnish is almost as bad as my English..

If you need any good recipes, though…?

:D

I had mumps a long time ago, but thanks for your concern.

As for the plastic box, any chance I can keep it anyway, it’s awfully good fun, and it gets me out of the washing up too.

My pancakes were very nice, thanks for asking. It was chicken fajtas for tea last night, and I think I made a damn good job of those two.

Unfortunately my wife has mumps and was barely able to eat either of these delicious dishes, but never mind.

So, I guess no-one was interested in my pancakes, then..?

:(

I made some lovely pancakes last night, all from scratch, none of this Aunt Bessie’s rubbish or packet mix cop-out, proper get-in-there-and-mix-yer-own-flour-egg-and-milk stuff it was!

Is that better?

I lost the Jif lemon, so I had just sugar on it.

When I put the leftover eggs away after we’d finished, I found the Jif. It was that plastic lemon in the corner of the fridge. Stoopid Dennis! :mad:

Divers wrote:

No mate I was kidding him, i don’t think it really matters when you lose it. Before a certain age your not going to be that good at it anyway so why worry:) As long as you enjoyed your first time that all that matters:)

True. I for one wouldn’t recommend sleeping with a 15 year old lad.

I mean, that’s not experience talking, you understand, I’m just guessing, like.

you reckon, Divers?

I won’t even begin to risk telling you all how old I was, then…

:(

gimmebackmybrainsaw wrote:

Metallica - am i evil?

As i watched my mother die i lost my head

I thought it was

as i watch my mother cry she gave me head.

You need to see a shrink, sonny Jim!

Hooch’s mum wrote:

OY. This isn’t that kind of thread. I will have you and your family deleted if you don’t watch yourself. Be nice and respectful on here, thanks :)

:D

I was kidding, don’t worry, I ain’t part of the dirty mac brigade!

“G___W”

?!!

Type the whole name out, lazy!

Photos are good, yes. Especially girl-on-girl.

Does anyone have any ideas for how I can spend all afternoon on the internet and do naff all work but still get all my work done..?

Me bored :(

Hooch’s mum wrote:

I hope you mean the first page - not the first post!! :mad:

Well of course I didn’t mean you!

(Dennis backs away slowly, taking care not to lose eye-contact or take his finger from the trigger until he has left the room and shut the door behind him)