Wall of Mouths

With those prices it’s no wonder people go to Tesco’s to get ill these days. You can get Tesco Value Smallpox for only £1.49 these days. Mind you, the incurable stuff will set you back a bob or two…

mrs h wrote:

I know I was thinking about having a seance, but at least dead visitors would add a touch of class to the thread.

That’s typical of you, any excuse for a bit of genocide. No wonder we always let you win any games.

Now that’s art. Much better than those paintings by that world famous Dutch artist of the 17th century, old whats-his-name…

Apparently it was a good piece of driving. He had to swerve several times at high speed before he actually made contact.

So there were a lot of lasses in your area whose genes worked harder on their bodies than their brains?

Mrs H, just because you don’t like Vimto doesn’t mean that you can poison people with it.

Come on, suicide by hanging would be far too quick and painless a death for Jim Davidson. I think we should just make him work as a servant for the rest of his life, waiting on a black gay couple.

They did postpone three of the matches yesterday. I don’t think they really needed to postpone any more, to be honest only Motherwell’s match really needed to be called off. I don’t see what good it would have done for them not to have played at all.

Taunty Dan wrote:

no, i said i’d get you an around the WARD ticket at leeds infirmary. The pensioners do so love a xmas visit. :)

As long as she doesn’t come and visit the staff. We’ve got enough to put up with avoiding Jimmy Saville.

Yes, He obviously couldn’t wait to get far enough in the alphabet to spell ‘aardvark’ correctly…

I thought Dennis had licked up all that hotpot. He obviously didn’t like it much.

But you licked that up off her kitchen floor. She’d cooked it 3 hours earlier.

But you know full well that Mrs Hulat is allergic to Black Country foods.

mrs h wrote:

now Igor is trying to make us go to the Hulats :(

You don’t have to!

Jason says he’s not coming anyway. What have you said to upset him??!!

Pub probably best then. I’ll tell Jason.

Well I’m OK, but I don’t think Jason will be coming if we’re not going to the pub, and Linda will be late because she’s got one of her meetings.

Hmm, are the jewels somewhat plastic then…?

So that’s why you hate the Cockpit. They don’t give you a crown.

It’s about time we had some form of queuing system for this thread. Or perhaps a timetable detailing the periods in which each person can comment. The least popular person can get the 3.30-4 am slot.

You’re dicing with death there, Chris. Dennis is about to fly into a rage and sharpen his machete. I doubt he’s ever been so insulted.

So what number post was Lincoln commemorating when he made the Gettysburg Address?

I know, it’s pathetic isn’t it?

At least we’ll be spared all the flag-waving and xenophobia next June.

A few dead Russian soldiers from their failed occupation of Afghanistan.

Er, I floated there from the Bering Strait but got obstructed in Stoke by all the toilets in the Trent.

Yes, I’ve floated here from Staffordshire. Much better than using public transport. I think I’ve got cholera now though…

I don’t drive through Stoke, partly because I haven’t got a car, but mainly because it’s much better to swim down the river. As long as you’re prepared to have your stomach pumped afterwards it’s a great way to spend an afternoon.

Don’t panic Mr Bomb. I was thinking of gorgeous Stoke instead.

Can’t you wait just 20 more years for your sentence to finish? Then the headless boatman will ferry you back across the Trent to civilisation. And we’ll make you a nice cup of Yorkshire Tea.

They’re obviously not being secret enough though.