Wall of Mouths

I just thought I’d point out that Guantanamo Bay is a lovely part of Cuba, well worth packing your mother off to. Usually you have to participate in a Jihad or something to get a trip there, but I’m sure the authorities would be persuadable:)

Hooch’s mum wrote:

:D

@ Igor - I can’t be arsed to groan! That was terrible …

:(

I am unable to cope with the shame of having incurred your disapproval. Therefore I am now leaving my place of employment in order to drink myself to death. Au revoir.

Actually, you do take your life in your hands drinking beer in the Portland. That’s why I never used to go there…

I’m sodding off to my computer course shortly, so I’ll leave you with a joke (well I thought it was quite good when I saw it anyway)

FW: Irish Joke

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems…

“Dactor, it’s me ahrse. I’d loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot”.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

“Incredible”he says, “there is a £20 note lodged up here.”

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man’s bottom, and then a £10 pound note appears.

“This is amazing!”exclaims the Doctor. ”What do you want me to do?”

“Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!”shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and anotherand another and another, etc…

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

“Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat’s moch batt er. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?”

The Doctor counts the pile of cash.

“£1,990 exactly.”

“Ah, dat’d be roit,”says the Irishman

( …wait for it… )

I knew I wasn’t feeling two grand..”

Hooch’s mum wrote:

That’s not quite true. I once had a distant cousin who fell on hard times, and then fell on harder times and then fell on even harder than that times, and so the council gave him a house in East Leeds but someone nicked it.

Yes, its always a risk.
That’s why Temple Newsam is screwed down very firmly.
Also, it would be quite difficult to explain away if the police came sniffing round- “Sir, why do you have a stately home in your back garden” “I’m not sure, I came back from the pub one night and it had just appeared”

Hooch’s mum wrote:

It’s home made :mad:

I didn’t know you had currency in East Leeds, I thought everyone just took what they wanted! :D

There’s nothing worth taking:)

Hooch’s mum wrote:

How much will it cost? (Bearing in mind that the GM unit of currency is the ‘bowl of rice pudding’)? :)

Is that Ambrosia Rice Pudding or some cheap and nasty ersatz variant?

In East Leeds we use plates of caviar as currency. Or is it stolen car hub caps? One of the two…

All the dictionary references remind me of a particular episode of Blackadder:-

“I’m anuspeptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious to have caused you such pericomobulation”

“Contrafibularities- tis a common word, down our way”

As are ‘butty’ and ‘sarnie’…

I’d threaten to go on strike if things don’t change- you deserve a big pay rise for all your efforts!
Has your evil taskmaster paid you for yesterday’s cleaning?

marja wrote:

well try to keep them than, because they’re rare

I just met my new colleague. He’s nice, but a bit of a poof (sp?)

Quote (author unknown):

Sounds like Igor!

Oh, I see, being nice means you’re a puff?
Looks like I’ll have to cultivate a nasty streak if I’m going to pull any women in future!

Hooch’s mum wrote:

No - it’s humanities… what was the Raymond luxury yacht thing? I don’t remember it. Or your comment.

It was relating to the Yachting question in the quiz I think.

“I have with me Mr Raymond Luxury Yacht”

“Actually, its not pronounced that way”

“I’m sorry, Raymond Luxury Yatched”

“No, no, its pronounced Throat-wobbler Mangrove”

“You’re a very silly man and I’m not going to interview you”

I can’t recall the rest of the sketch, but it was something to do with Mr Throat-wobbler Mangrove having a huge false nose, I think.

Oh dear, work’s exceptionally boring today!

Hooch’s mum wrote:

Almost as talented as the flying cat in the same sketch …

“And she does this all by herself does she?”
“erm, no - I fling her” :D

Damn but I loved Monty python :D

Full marks, but I’m still disappointed that my Raymond Luxury Yacht comment fell on stony ground. Just a bit more revision and you’ll be up to MA standard. Or is Monty Python Studies more of a sciences subject?

marja wrote:

I know, it’s great :D

But we’ll stop this conversation about houses and bricks and stuff now, because some people can’t handle it, because they feel it’s too boring. :rolleyes: imagine that

;)

That reminds me of Keith Maniac from Guatemala, the man who can send bricks to sleep by hypnosis. A very talented man.
I have the same effect on people when talking about cricket…

Hooch’s mum wrote:

No, but I know what they feel like as I spent many years wanting to be one when I grew up :)

Where did it all go wrong?

Hooch’s mum wrote:

:D

And I thought we had poltergeists :) have you figured out what time it is yet? I have a hangover from hell :(

Which reminds me Igor, I’m really sorry that I said you had hands like a fairy princess. Even though you have! :p

Ssssh, keep quiet about that, it’ll destroy my hard-man image!
I feel decidedly worse for wear also, I blame Ace Cars for reducing my sleeping time by taking so long to send taxis:(

While I think about it, do you touch fairy princesses’ hands very often?

Hooch’s mum wrote:

*finds footprints all over floor*

*wonders why Sam and Gav and the kids never visit anymore*

*makes WS a cup of tea*

How do you get onto the tea list, I’ve just had to make my own!

hoochalobster wrote:

They could still impose sanctions on Hendy’s though? :D

If you give me a list of places you want to see sanctioned then I’ll pass it on. My list now runs into several volumes…

Hooch’s mum wrote:

That’s impressive. I didn’t recognise a dustpan until I was in my 30s.

@ Igor - If I try and get Emmerdale back over here, would you do me a favour and see if you can get Benny from Crossroads out of North Korea? I’m starting to think I should have chosen somebody less generally challenged :(

I’m sorry, but he’s just totally out of control now, some people get very excited when it comes to acquiring nuclear weapons.
I’m getting worried by your clumsy diplomatic efforts. Looks like I’ll have to spend my entire dinnertime persuading the UN not to impose sanctions on Chapel Allerton. Then again, maybe I’ll just get a sandwich instead.

Hooch’s mum wrote:

Sorry - I meant 5 lbs :(

@ Igor - Don’t tell them!! For God’s sake man, we need more soapstars in the PLO or how can we ever have world peace … It’s part of a much bigger plan. :)

That’s very naive- its the soapstars that are the problem! Didn’t you realise that it was the warmongering of the Neighbours cast that caused the Korean War?

Hooch’s mum wrote:

That wasn’t really Yasser with the giraffes face - it was a character from Coronation street

I’m glad that’s cleared up. I’ll give the UN a ring and tell them to cancel the debate.

Hooch’s mum wrote:

@ Igor - If they buried him then it would be most likely him, wouldn’t it? As opposed to the washing machine. Or the giraffe. And how would you get a giraffe or a washing machine in a coffin anyway? And Stu says Igor Belanov was an extremely talented football player and you’d best not be taking the piss! :D

Yes, but did they bury the giraffe with Yasser’s face or Yasser with the giraffe’s head? These are serious issues, the whole future of the Middle East may depend on them… Could the Washing Machine arbitrate between the Israeli government and Hamas?

My pseudonym is in fact a tribute to the 1986 European Footballer of the Year, I treat Soviet footballers from that era with the utmost of respect.

Hooch’s mum wrote:

You’d better damn well appreciate this! :mad:

I’m just a bit confused.
When Arafat died, which one of those did they bury?
The Washing Machine?

Divers wrote:

Thats fine:) I always found that album to be my favourite, as the lunatic singer came into his own.

Anyway…igor what animals are you not freaked out by if you see them dressed up? maybe we can find them.

I’m quite open-minded when it comes to any animals other than dogs- if you can find a picture of a giraffe dressed as Yasser Arafat or something similar?
I’m sure I could pick up some ideas from animals when it comes to snappy dressing…

Hooch’s mum wrote:

Uneasy in what way? Slightly perturbed, or strangely aroused? ;)

:D

Queasy, not uneasy- as in they made my stomach turn!

I shouldn’t really comment to be honest since I’ve always been a bit averse towards dogs- if I had to pass a Chihuahua in the street I’d give it a very wide berth!

Those dogs in frocks have made me feel a bit queasy- far more frightening than rabid Rottweilers or psychotic Pit Bulls.

Hooch’s mum wrote:

:D

no - psychotic episodes :(

Like threatening Arthur Scargill with a chainsaw or something?

Hooch’s mum wrote:

Unfortunately I am not in a union. They refused my application because of a few episodes :(

Few episodes? Was it a badly written sit-com or something?

At the school canteen where my Mam works she’s one of only 2 union members. She told me the other one won’t go on strike today because the union wouldn’t ask her nicely enough!

Aren’t you on strike today?

Hooch’s mum wrote:

Anyway did you get the Brentford Triangle yet?

@ Igor - that’s a book, not a musical instrument :)

Thank you madam, I happen to have read one of the books in that particular trilogy that your daughter lent me. I prefer the Ealing Xylophone myself actually…

[quote=Hooch’s mum]Are you autistic? :p

If I was I’d be in Vegas making myself a fortune like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man.

I bet you really do talk about medieval battles at work! :)

If only, that would be a lot more exciting than hearing conversations about Celebrity Come Dancing and the like…*shudder*

Hooch’s mum wrote:

And you, whilst not a sociopath, are most definitely a freak! :p You could join Divers’ circus :)

*wonders if there really was a battle of Crecy*

Join a circus…sounds tempting, I quite fancy a change of career! (I might have to get a career first)

1346 btw.(Look it up on Google if you don’t believe me!)