Wall of Mouths

My favourite was Dylan Moran because he was sat at the table next to me at this insanely pretentious twattish bar called Fashion, on a really hot June lunchtime wearing about 3 jackets and then promtly climbed over the (quite high) metal railings and walked into a insanely pretentious twattish skincare shop and we didn’t actually see him leave (yes, I was watching). I didn’t speak to him though, he avoided all eye contact :(

I shouted ‘Oi, CUNTS’ at the Towers of London in my local just for looking stupid.

I pointed and laughed loudly at Electric6 and their groupies.

I’ve told the lead singer of Jet to pull himself together and stop being a cokehead twat.

I’m currently trying to get an interview with the Automatic just to get drunk and relate every question to the little annoying one being a cunt. Yay!

There are many of these, but I’ll stop there. No running over yet :(

I’m quite lovely really :)

I went past him and thought “Hmm, how strange, that man is wearing a kind of suit and carrying a briefcase and looks like he’s just left the office, yet it be a Saturday afternoon. Hmm, how strange that man looked *exactly* like David Mitchell. Hmm, how strange, Mitchell & Webb are doing a show at the Theatre Royal, and that man who looked like David Mitchell was walking in the direction of the Theatre Royal”

By the time I had put 2 and 2 together it was 5 hours later.

I preferred running into Wayne Coyne. As I did literally run into him, and he was incredibly dapper and smelt nice :)

I’m guessing it’s not an amazing idea to mention I ran into David Mitchell walking through Nottingham city centre earlier? Y’know, if I didn’t want Hooch to be jealous and all that… :)

I happily try everything… The usual drinks of choice are blonde beer, vodka lemonade, vodka red bull, g&t, southern comfort and lemonade, martini lemonade, dry white wine, bottled lager or cocktails (white russians being the favourite).

Yum :)

Dennis wrote:

(NB lager and black isn’t considered as gay as lager and lime, but it IS equally socially unacceptable, being as it is the drink of fecking STUDENTS :mad: )

Lager and black? You must be joking.

Snakey B yes :)

Although the new thing is a ‘cheeky vimto’; port and WKD blue.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/nottingham/features/2002/10/guide_nottingham_lingo.shtml

My lovely dialect :)

I went to Scarborough at the weekend! Yorkshire still terrifies me.

And it’s COB DAMMIT

Quick, Mrs H, have a cute dose

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tACQLiU49-w

Dennis, you seem to be displaying classic signs of an obsessive disorder. First Motley Crue now “breadcakes”. I’m worried. May I take you in for observations?

*locks Den in orphan cupboard. With Zane Lowe, Russel Brand, Pete Doherty, the annoying little twat from the Automatic, Sean Bean, Phil Collins, the guy of Picture Loans, Sting and his hair-plugs and the guy from the BT advert*

Occasionally we throw bread rolls into ponds to emulate swans. It’s quite fun for deprived midlands kids such as yours truly :)

A cob?

Hoorah for cheap beers! I’m going to a pound a pint night tonight; hoorah!

Mrs H, how on earth did you manage that? Leeds is all topsy turvy!

Possibly. Did he get a cheap beer after he showed it?

Morning!

This is for Sarah, Simon or Andy; which one of you little mischiefs stole my yellow card? Or did I just lose it in a drunken stuppor?

Luckily my local Scream pub is now wank, and I have to get a new one in about a weeks time anyway, but still, I WANT A PROSPECTIVE 10P OFF MY BEER.

I would suggest putting I Killed The Zeitgeist on endless repeat in their box, but let’s face it, they’d all bum it.

ARRGHHHHHH. I’m going to lock Zane Lowe, Russel Brand, Pete Doherty and that annoying little twat from the Automatic in a little box. The orphan cupboard in GM will do. And just see who eats each other first. It would need to be soundproof. They are all just so bollocking ANNOYING. It’s not healthy to be this annoyed

Anyone got anyone they want to add?

Morning.

Ahem! I said good morning!

No? No one?

Bah.

I’ve had the “pleasure” of hearing I Killed The Zeitgeist, Nicky Wire’s new gift to the world.

I almost cried. Richey’s corpse probably makes more appealing noises.

Is everyone moving to Yorkshire?

MADNESS!

Ooh, good idea.

*builds brick wall round orphans in corner*

I’m gutted that I’ve lost a square metre of my room, but the distant crying it actually quite soothing :)

I thought we stole all the teabags from homeless shelters?

And shoes, *sigh*, yes shoes. The shoe bill for August was approximately £37000. Which means we won’t be building the wing for the orphans I’m afraid, guys.

chr1s wrote:

*Reads over Health and Safety contract*

*hums a little*

*Grabs a purple crayon and signs*

Sorry :(

No, no, it’s ok, I think…
*adjusts surgical mask*

Now, the matter of your Gracious Me membership fee? Just to cover the expenses of course; Christmas dinner, day trips to the seaside, my growing handbag habit…

chr1s wrote:

Morning Folks!!!

*Walks round room shaking hands, then realises nobody’s here*

How is everyone today???

Oh, christ, has no one inducted him yet?

*gets clipboard*

Right, health and safety; the first thing you need to know, is never shake anyone’s hands. Or my feet.

Sign there to show you understand, and if you proceed with those actions we can not be responsible for any… consequences

:)

THAT IS FUCKING IT. I AM SO SICK OF PEOPLE OSTRACISING AND SLAGGING OFF ME AND MY LOVERS; BRET; C.C.; RIKKI AND BOBBY. THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY ALL JEALOUS THAT I AM A BIGGER FAN AND INTIMATE WITH THE BAND, WHO ARE MILES SEXIER THAN THEM. I AM ALSO SICK THAT WHEN YOU TYPE ‘POISON’ INTO WIKIPEDIA IT BRINGS UP SOME WANK ARTICLE ABOUT VENOM AND CHEMICAL SUBSTANCES.

THAT IS IT, I’M LEAVING THE BOARD. THIS WILL BE MY LAST POST. EVERER

As a scientist, I will happily offer my services to challenge this hypothesis.

Actually, on second thoughts, no Randy Person who has eyes like that is coming anywhere near me.

Mmmm, yeah, and I bet he’s true to his name!

I reckon by October he’ll be mine :) Did say he wanted a shortarse, confused girlfriend, didn’t he?

And just for you, Hooch:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5281046.stm

http://www.ci.xenia.oh.us/police/default.htm

hoochalobster wrote:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3382491587979249836

Straight from today’s Popbitch:

“I’m coming to England in September and I want to find myself a beautiful girlfriend. But I don’t want some dumb blonde. I’d like a woman who is really intelligent.” - David Hasselhoff.

And then we’ll get people complaining about their marigolds not being as good as their neighbours!

mrs h wrote:

You see? You see Hanne? That’s why you must never, ever trust a man …

I’ll never learn :(

Men are strange, the ex-missus has so far rang me 5 times and sent 6 txts this afternoon with varying levels of obsessive and pervyness. Mental bastard.

Dennis wrote:

F***ING POISON?! F***IN’ HATE THE BUNCH OF LAME-ASSED, HAIR BEAR BUNCH, BACKCOMBED, POODLE ROCK GLAM METAL TOSSERS!

DID YOU EVER SEE A BETTER ADVERTISMENT FOR INVOLUNTARY EUTHANASIA?! F***ING CROCK OF YANKEE AIRBRUSHED SHITE! CHRIST ON A F***ING BICYCLE, DID THEY LEAVE THEIR HOUSES LOOKING THAT STUPID OR WHAT?!

Right. That’s it. Outside, mate.

*puts on fake leather, studded fingerless gloves, pops hairspray in holsters, ties leopard print scarf to belt*